he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
