Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
