Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
