u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
