you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize