Ketchup is God's man juice
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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