I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
third nipple confirmed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
