he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
