Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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