xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
