he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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