my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
