I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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