..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
