ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
