I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
