dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
