I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
