Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
