I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
