Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
