are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
