I wish I could punch you in the face.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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