my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
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