So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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