I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
