You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well you can't waste a boner
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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