I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
