You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
