He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
