I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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