I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were trust falling into bushes
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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