sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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