I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
