He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
