2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
