So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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