Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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