I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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