I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
