I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
