What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Did I show you my penis last night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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