i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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