Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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