I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
