She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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