Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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