well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
