You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
