I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I cannot find my penis.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
