I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
