That's intense
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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