ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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