So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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