We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
