one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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