You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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