If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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