Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize