btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
