The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
