If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
