I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
