It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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