Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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