I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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