I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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