Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
