What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
