im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
