Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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