so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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