Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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