What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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