I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
