omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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