I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
