please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
