Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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