three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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