So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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