He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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