i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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