apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
