so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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